Part hipster costume party, part casual Wii-gamer, and part “Well, I don’t really want to fit into either of those other two categories, so I suppose I’ll justdrink a lot of beerinstead” would all aptly describe the first annualWiimbeldontournament held this Saturday at Barcade in Brooklyn. Naturally, since none but the last of the above describes the East-coast Destructoid representatives, it took the full extent of the weekend for us to recall the exact intricacies of the event, which went a little something like this:
And we did ask ourselves, “How do I play Wii Tennis?”And we did ask ourselves, “Where is that large bear?”And we did tell ourselves, “This is not my beautiful beer (It’sTopher’s)”And we did tell ourselves, “Luigi! You are not my beautiful wife!”
On second thought, I suppose it sounded more like theTalking Headsduring our Dtoid Karaoke fest that followed the tournament, but to find the real details of Wiimbeldon hit the jump!
Upon first approaching the scene, all entrants were notified thatMTVwould be filming on the grounds (and that by choosing to enter, they inherently gave up an assortment of rights to their own images). Music Television! At a gaming event? How novel! A slew of several other camera crews, hosts with mics, and boom sticks also floated around the scene, at times the contestents themselves seeming to struggle with the overbearing presence of the media.
While I frantically went looking for some handsome VJ to rub all up ons, all I could seem to find was a haphazard variety of costumed folk. To the left of me, a man of short stature dressed like Harry Potter pushed fervently through the crowds while two gentlemen in high-cut shorts wearing tank tops marked A and B performed jumping jacks. I had assumed that encouraging costumes for the tournament would have brought in more sports-themed gear to give the event an athletic vibe, but this initial prediction was immediately withdrawn when a man in the bear suit casually moved in front of me.
By way of bullhorn, the organizers, Steve and Lane, announced the first rounds of competition. Topher was up first, with his opponent: a seemingly innocent girl in a tennis skirt. Putting on his most hardcore game-face, Topher swung his Wiimote with subtle artistry despite a rather large camera from ABC news that was constantly raiding his space. His opponent was all smiles from defeating him in the first round, but Topher managed to leave her without a single point in the second. Unfortunately, the best of three battle ended quickly thereafter, with the first of our own going down. I was our only hope, but given that I had neglected to touch a Wiimote since theCooking Mamatournament, my fate was the same. Bad news (and bears) for Destructoid, so we both wallowed in our sorrows by way of two tall glasses of cold Magic Hat.
The tournament continued without us, and the intensity increased exponentially. One by one, the players flew through their matches, winners shaking losers’ hands with little sympathy, the bar handy to lighten the weight of evermore devastating defeats, consoling the failures at the bottom of a glass before they took their exit. We decided to put our money on a member of the Destructoid Army, oneRamiro Garcia, and tempted him with many anAlso, Cocksshirts as a reward for his success. As a fresh sheet of fake grass was laid before the TV, folks gathered close towards the court to get a good look at the final competing conferences. And what were the results?
Final conference games:
“Sampras Has Back Hair” (conference 1)Winner: Russ YagodaRunner-up: Adam Raymond“Shut up Monica” (conference 2)Winner: Albert ThrowerRunner-up: Ramiro Garcia
TournamentOverall Winner: Russ YagodaRunner-up: Albert Thrower
Other Awards
- The “McEnroe was a Dick” award for most dangerous playerRamiro Garcia2. The Nair award for shortest shortsTie: Katie Meenan and Adam Raymond3. The “Shut Up Monica” award for best verbal athleticismRuss Yagoda4. The “Sampras has Back Hair” award for best costumeAdam Duerson5. The “Andre Agassi Memorial Mullet” award for best overall styleJane and Matt Brogan
So there you have it. Our main man Ramiro was a close runner-up, but in the end, Luigi (a.k.a. Russ Yagoda) finally got his moment in the spotlight. We managed to grab a few interviews with Luigi, Loser, and Bear, all edited and for yourviewing pleasurethanks toPhist. Both Yagoda and Duerson left with Wii’s, the runner ups with the ironically faulty Wü tennis device (the tennis racket shaped add-on seemed to block the Wiimote’s reception on the menu screen). As the sun set and Wii gamers were replaced by Happy Hour attendees, the Destructoid crew got their Japanese food fill and spent many hours singing their lungs out at Sing Sing Karaoke on St. Marks. Damn, it feels good to be a Dtoid Robot.
